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Feminist Author Jessica Valenti Published “Why Have Kids?” Which She Calls The “Anti-Parenting” Book
In a recent interview, feminist author Jessica Valenti discussed her new book titled “Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness.” It’s a book she donned as the “anti-parenting” book. Valenti, 33, is a wife and mother of a two-year-old daughter. Valenti’s book reveals the difference between the expectations and the reality of parenting. Valenti believes people have been misinformed about parenting and it causes them to be unhappy. “It’s that this lie that they’re being told by society that parenting is one thing — and when parenting is something completely different — that’s what makes them unhappy,” she said.
She further explained the deception of joy that society often depicts about parenting: “When you ask most American parents why they want to have kids, it’s to bring more joy into their lives. So, when you don’t feel that all-encompassing joy, it must be that something is wrong with you. I think it’s dissatisfaction that the expectation was different than the reality.”
When asked if she felt that society often reveres parenting as a default choice as opposed to a deliberate choice she said, “From policy to culture, the assumption is that everyone — women in particular — will become parents. Parenting is still being considered the default rather than a proactive decision.” Valenti advocates communal parenting, which is very much aligned with the popular African Proverb “it takes a village to raise a child;” however, she believes society has gotten away from that because one parent — specifically mothers– is expected to stay home and raise the child fulltime. She believes this belief is harmful for the parents and the child, as she feels daycare is a place for children to exchange knowledge.
Valenti discourages mothers from dominating parental roles: “Women are brought up to believe you are going to be the better parent and you know what’s best. I don’t think that’s necessarily true. As much as we have to ask men to step it up, we have to take a look at ourselves and be willing to give up some of that parental power.” Concluding the interview, Valenti explained her primary goal for writing the book: “My hope is that it will open up a conversation and ask questions about this framework of idealistic parenting that has been set before us that I think is pretty damaging and unrealistic.” Her book can be purchased at major retail stores online.
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Fayizah
September 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Why have kids?! For the same reason we’ve always sought to have them, it continues the family line, race, and species… We have them b/c they create family. Children DO bring joy, along with hope & endless possibilities for the future even in some of the most difficult life situations. I don’t feel most parents ever regret having their children or would choose not having them if they could go back in time. Nor do I feel most believed parenting would be easy(just those who don’t look at things realistically & with common sense i.e. teenage moms).
I know my son is the best decision I’ve made(even when he works my nerves). I do agree w Ms. Valenti on communal parenting as our ppl once practiced. It takes some of the burden off of challenges & stressors of parenting, gives real meaning to extended family & creates real community & at 52 i’m just old enuf to remember there was still some of that “village” child raising even in my inner city, urban community(hated it as a child(“nosy old folks in my business”), wished for it 30 yrs later when raising my son in the same neighborhood.
We in the US r encouraged to have children but r then left with no support in caring for them, leaving those parents w’ little family or community support bewildered & stressed. Other countries & cultures offer more supportive policies & means to help with parenting, i.e. up to 26 wks maternity leave for mothers & FATHERS, with pay, & job guarantee on return(by law). Here while some jobs offer flexible maternity leave most do not, especially low paying jobs, & nothing for fathers(a cigar maybe). The problem is more inherent in govt & corporate policies, adapted cultural ideas & practices than with the idea of parenting in itself as a problem.
My ? still is, Y this book?! Parenting while not always a choice(often it’s something u do b/c u got pregnant & don’t believe in abortion so 9 mos later u r a parent), is a life experience many want, plan for(or not) & enjoy, challenges & all. I won’t touch on feminist agendas or conspiracies here, but there r valid points there too. Why have children(ain’t no body having goats)?! Because we MUST. Every group understands children r about continuity, survival as a people!
Russell A. Mebane
September 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I believe the author is correct in her idea that society has deceived people into thinking that parenting is a utopian existence. I do get joy and contentment from it, but only after putting A LOT of hard work into it. My wife feels exactly as the subject of this article, but that’s only because she’s had less experience with children than I have. Thus she’s only been exposed to the lies about parenting and not the realities that I’ve seen.
Derrick
September 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I agree! The feminist movement did help cause the breakup of the Black family. Let’s not leave out the caucasoid family, too because they are divorcing at a HIGHER rate, than Black families.
As a matter of Truth, these heathens are KILLING each other, more than any culture or race.
Key word is…fem. This word has lesbian/h**o overtones, and the caucasoid fe-male TURNED THE BLACK WOMAN OUT, with ‘her’ movement. Now, negroid fe-males want to LOOK, ACT and IMITATE the very people, who fvcked up their minds! They are effiminzing our young Black males.
As long as these screachas [Black or white], continue to brainwash negroid fe-males and male children, then there is no hope for the negroid male or fe-male.
There’s a cracker preacha, who has a 90% negroid congregation, and he’s been caught jacking off in public, drunken driving, having weed and wine on him, and this was in the hood!!! He probably was with a fe-male ‘HO’ly roller negroid, ya dig?
He didn’t spend ONE DAY in jail, and these negroids; male and fe-male, love this cracker!!! He’s been caught at least 3 times jacking off in parks around children!!
He asks negroids for their income tax, pay stubs, and even takes a percentage of welfare recipients money! If this ain’t a punk/pimp, I don’t know what to call this devil.
THESE NEGROIDS CALL HIM ‘PASTOR’ or god’s chosen, and this is a honkey!!!
These fe-male pastors are nothing, but dykes, who are dealing in dirt and stealing in the name of the lawd. Are y’all hip to joyce meyers? HUH? Remember, that negroid fe-male screacha, who said, she loved wo-men, too! Y’all know, who she is…
Isn’t it amazing how negroid fe-males have been so BRAINWASHED, to beLIEve that beauty is a long blond, blue, red, orange, pink weave on top of their CLUELESS heads? They have begun BLEACHING their skin to look like a caucasoid fe-male!!!
Look how negroid fe-males are wearing tats, studs, fake eyes, nails, t**s, and a***s! Now, these feminists [lesbians],want to adopt children, mainly Black boys to fvck up their minds! They will NOT BE TAUGHT their True OURstory, only their lying his-story/LIE.
THERE ARE SOME TRUE BLACK LADY REBELS ON THIS SITE, BUT THESE NEGROID FE-MALES ARE LOST IN SPACE!
GET BACK TO BLACK!
David2001
September 4, 2012 at 8:22 pm
Is anyone still dumb enough to listen to parenting advice from any woman calling herself a feminist? Feminist are the ones in the 60s and 70s who peddled the alternative baby momma lifestyle we see today. Children have become nothing more than collateral damage as a result of their selfish agenda. Feminist advocating women to have children out of wedlock was a failed way of empowering women. By denouncing marriage they successfully removed the father as head of household. That led to the pathetic state we see the black family in today.
Feminist love to quote “it takes a village to raise a child”. That concept worked best when the village was dominated by a MARRIED TWO PARENT HOUSEHOLD. The village now is comprised of dependent single households where the women are just as dependent as their children. Try advising them on how to raise their child and you will be cursed out and threaten within a inch of your life by BOTH the mother AND the child.
Any solution on how to resolve many of the problems facing the black family and children should be getting back to the concept of marriage between a man and a woman. The feminist baby mama experiment has failed miserably for black Americans. We shouldn’t be taking anymore advice from them.
IMO the feminism philosophy did more to destroy the black family than any form of white racism.