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by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”
Research has proven what most of us already know but refuse to acknowledge: Doubt ruins relationships. Researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, say their four-year study of 464 newlyweds finds those with uncertainty were less satisfied with their marriages, and women with doubts who took the plunge anyway were 2.5 times more likely to divorce.
The survey question was very simple and only required a yes or no response. “The question was ‘Were you ever uncertain or hesitant about getting married?’ Just a yes or no. The simplicity is great because it’s such a basic question,” says lead author Justin Lavner, a UCLA researcher. “But unfortunately, it doesn’t allow us to say if it’s doubts about the partner or doubts about marriage in general. Doubts specific to the relationship or partner are generally worse than doubts about marriage in general.”
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Sure Thing
September 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Though the article was brief, it is very informative. However, I think that the reason why a divorce happened more when the woman had doubts as compared to the man is simply because some women ignore the red flags that are right in front of their face, as a woman who the article quoted had stated. Which goes back to what a lot of real/good men have been saying for years…that women need to stop falling for guys who are wrong for them. Women have the authority to say yes or no to starting a relationship with the man that is courting her. However, I believe that a lot of women do not use that authority or use it wrongly and/or wrongfully because some women tend to fall for a guy for the wrong reasons.
Also people in the black community have been saying for along time that black folks (men and women)need to stop using negative words to mean positve/good things, because such a misuse of words is confusing our children. They are absolutely right about that. However, I believe some adults are being confused as well. One word that is horribly misused, not just by black folks but also by all races is the word “nice.” Misusing this word is causing women (because the article started out by saying “women with doubts who took the plunge anyway were 2.5 times more likely to divorce,” and because I haven’t heard men use this positive word to describe a woman in a negative way) to reject the true gentle/real man, thus moving some women to go after mr. wrong. This is because society has tried to shape this positve word (nice) to mean something negative.
Today, as it was in the 90s, many high school girls and women consider a guy that is “nice” as being boring. Boring in the sense that he is not dangerous and not someone who just sits around doing nothing. This type of incorrect thinking is only hurting the women that refuse to reject such thinking. And it is my belief that when these women give into mr. wrong, they are the ones ending up being the single parent then becoming bitter and, as a reult of the bitterness, are given a stage to voice their discontent for all men, though it was just one irresponsible man that has helped (because she is at fault too) to throw her life somewhat off course. Combine this with the racist and/or prejudice society of the USA and what you get is a lying stereotype that this type of irresponsibilty is a black thing, when in fact there are folks in every race who are going through this same mess.
Then what you also have now, are folks at home who are going through this and folks who are not going through this, thinking that men (particularly black men because of the racist and/or prejudice society) are irresponsible and what you get now is ridiculous talk about father’s day being for single mothers, all the while ignoring the fact that there are many more responsible men (including black men) who are not only married and truly taking care of their families, but you have single men who are monogamous, others are celibate, and some are even virgins, refusing to fornicate (I Thessalonians chapter 4 verse 3).
I also noticed that the article did not state why the couples who got divorced, divorced. What were the other determining factors other than ignoring the red flags? It could be a number of factors as well.
Jesus Loves You.