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By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses
This past week, I was facilitating a discussion as an instructor in a seminar that I designed specifically for women of color. The topic of the discussion was how young women of color experience being fatherless and it was centered around a great film by Janks Morton, called ‘Dear Daddy’.
In the film, we see some of the young women, who are all roughly between the ages of 16 and 25 discuss the role of their fathers in their lives. Aside from just a few, all the girls and young women have experienced the absence of their fathers. Although I have facilitated this same discussion several times, in this particular discussion I was struck by how some of the young women in the film and in my seminar said that they did not understand what all the fuss was about.
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Avi
September 22, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Well said, girls PAY ATTENTION! first is he respectful, always read his body language when he is talking to you this will also tell u the truth, meet his family find out where he comes from, find out what his goals are, if he sis he just wants to have fun leave him alone, if he sis he wants to pursue his goals b4 getting into a serious relationship and he is of good character remain friends with him(platonic friends)if u are dateing ask questions see where u fit in,does he want to get married, have a family, how many children, where does he want to live, what type of work is he interested in, would he ever hit a woman,also question his sexuality is he straight, bi-s****l,or gay, what does he think of pediphiles, check his body language while you ask these kinds of questions and how do you fit in to his life. Remain Abstinent. If he really cares about you he will wait until marriage. While your dateing u should be interviewing him all the time. REMEMBER NO s*x!
Carol
September 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm
IT’S NOT THAT WE DON’T NEED OUR BLACK MEN, SOME OF US ARE TIRED OF MEN WHO DON’T RESPECT US,DON’T PROTECT US, AND REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF IN THE SAME WAY THEY WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.
Anonymous
September 20, 2012 at 10:29 am
The issue is not needing a man. The issue is “game” and “gettin’ paid”. Black women don’t want a man. Black women want total freedom to run wild. Other than that it’s hair, nails, clothes, and free vacations.
And it does not matter where they get it. Married men, boyfriends playing the game, down-low brothers, support checks.
ceceilia
September 19, 2012 at 12:26 am
grew up myself with the best dad a girl could get after my mom ran off with another man to start another family and leave my dad to raise four kids.
we all graduated from catholic high and all of us have advanced degees. Having said this, black women like me have a hard time finding an honest man no matter what race he may be. personally been looking for a father figure like my dad but no luck! the media is responsible in the way they depict us as loose, loud ninas and without compassion. Many black men raised feminine act like women not men. some are not even intelligent spellers like in this blog. but dont worry black women will find happiness as more and more men of other races discover what black men so easily disrespect and find good women in us!!lol
Black J
September 18, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Well said Ddre..well said!
Ddre
September 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Um, Nomalanga can speak for herself and no other black woman.
Sorry, but that tired a*s trope died out with Black Unity, lol…
Black women are not mules. We, as human beings, crave companionship just like everybody else. We’re not superhuman, nor will we be labeled that way in this day and age.
Now, teaching a young black girl to be self-sufficient is one thing, but teaching her to be a loner for the rest of her days because she ‘don’t need no man’ needs to stop now, before we damage other young girls with that tired line.
If anything, they should be learning how to keep their legs close and to make better judgments on who she decides to let into her world.
C. Marshall
September 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Black women need good men. If they don’t see what a good man looka like and behaves Lois, then they may attract the losets.
Ddre
September 18, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Well stated, C. Marshall.
Max
September 18, 2012 at 3:15 pm
I think its getting close to that point where black men just may have to start considering leaving this country to find suitable mates and rear their kids elsewhere besides this place. We are socialized to think and embrace this notion that women dont need men , but men need women,WOW ! . The sad part about this is that these BLACK women actually believe this divisive garbage. But then again they are just women, who are not seen as a threat to the ‘INSTITUTION/SYSTEM’, until “THEY” came for me. Smdh. Africa and the Caribbean , here we come.
Dark Chocolate
September 18, 2012 at 11:01 am
Some of them are, but there are some who just need guidance. The media has participated in marketing efforts to use s*x over substance. I just hate to see so much absolute garbage aimed at our young folk. We don’t have to worry about China taking over the “Rap” market. Sure there will be rap on the black market, right along with p**n. Chinese girls don’t know how fortunate they are not having enough BOOTY to shake. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shape of the Afican booty but the media has dogged it so much that I don’t enjoy waching it as much as I used to. I am glad I am not young in this generation.
Samuel
September 18, 2012 at 6:18 am
I bet they do not need Men because they are slots and prostitutes and they call it freedom. That is why. And that is another way the used to break Blacks family and keep them in control lol. wake up fools.
John H Hill
September 18, 2012 at 5:10 am
I will say this again, and keep saying it. Young black girls are having too many babies too soon. Men want to father their own babies in a marital relationship, the first time around. I know many of these girls are victims of our pitiful family plight, where their mothers were not married, sometimes with many kids, on welfare, and with very very low self esteem. That is where our churches should come in and help. Yes, help make our young girls more responsible, better prepared for the job market, and less dependent on no-good men. If a woman is easy, a man will take her, impregnate her and leave her as soon as something newer comes along. This is not just black men but all men. We are wired that way. That is why most societies protect their young girls from men who would prey on them. Our society has failed to do this by putting material values ahead of family values. We parade useless baseless expensive items in front of our youth, marketed with s*x, s*x, and more s*x. Our young girls are much prouder of having a well rounded booty than having math skills.
Until this changes, the possibility for healthy relationships between young black men and young black women will be hampered.
sonya
September 19, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Mr. Hill, well said! I normally don’t respond to comments but your comment touched my heart, especially when you said “If a woman is easy, a man will take her, impregnate her and leave her as soon as something newer comes along. This is not just black men but all men. We are wired that way”. As messed up as that sounds, i know it bears the truth. I also know that both parties are to blame because we know right from wrong. But the world we live in doesn’t care about right from wrong as long as we get what we want or what feels good RIGHT NOW!
Jah Larry Dread
September 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm
“Back when all these black women were getting hired and many were saying ” I got a job,a house,money in bank and car ” .I don’t need a man,plus some even said long as they had jesus they did not need a man…” I just borrow this quote from Single “Women Began Losing Their Jobs Before the Country’s Recession.” My question is when this sort of kind of talk was going on (radio, magazines & sitcoms) where was the Church on keeping black families together?
Greg
September 17, 2012 at 10:57 pm
It is not about whether they need a man. They should need a good man. They shouldn’t need a lousy man. We got this all twisted around as black people. There are too many black women who wants a no good man. (For that case, a lot of non black women have this disease too.)They have not grown up properly to need the right man. They burn their primes years out being with the no good bastards. And when they are washed up, and no man wants them. Then they think it is time to get a good man. Wrong: He can see they are dogged out. He will never want you. Or he is probably with some other woman. That is the real story behind that.
ana
September 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Some Black Women,feel as though they don’t need men,is because they somehow lacked the Special Bonding,with their Fathers…Speaking on a more personal note,my Own Father,whom I Loved Dearly,was a bit Strict,but nevertheless,he was a Great Father.And I knew the Type of Man,that I wanted to Marry Someday because My Father Set The Example.