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Tamera Mowry Housley, former star of Tia and Tamera, says that she and her husband have no shame in admitting that they were celibate before getting married. In addition, they both agreed that they wouldn’t shack up before walking down the aisle either. This kind of discipline is rare in most relationships, where some men expect to sleep with women on the second or third date, and some women can be just as assertive as men.
But Tamera says that God is what keeps her marriage together and it’s what has helped her to find the love of her life. She speaks to other women in a recent issue of Ebony Magazine, claiming that for those who are patient, good things can be in your future.
“Adam and I took a break from dating for about a year. We missed each other and something was drawing us together, but more than that, we wanted to make sure that this relationship was what God wanted for our lives. [In order to know] if we are meant to be together, we said, ‘it’s got to be God’s way and not our way.’ We didn’t want to half-step anything [or have clouded judgment]. So our right way was the way we felt God wanted us to do it which was being celibate. We said to God, ‘This is who we are, I know you take us as we are, our faults, our fears, our joys, our hope as a couple and have your way.’
I tried the ‘missionary dating’ [in the past] where you have a person with a great heart who you think is perfect and wonderful except for this one important area that you try to change. That’s unfair to that person. That person needs to be who they are 100%. And it’s unfair to you. You don’t want to drag somebody to church with you. My husband wakes up on Sundays and says ‘Hey, are we going to church today?’ It just makes [waiting] all worthwhile. I dated guys who did not share those same beliefs and it was hard. There were many nights of heartbreak and crying, and that’s not what God wants for us.
Tamera also warns that if you’re trying to be celibate, it’s not a good idea to live together. By doing so, you run the risk of violating the plans you have for your relationship, since temptation can distract us all. She also says that it’s important to keep people close to you who are going to support your desire to create a healthy, happy marital experience. She says that God must come first all the time.
But if you want to be celibate, definitely don’t live together [laughs] because that makes it harder for you. Have people around you to keep you accountable! Surround yourself with people who support your decision, because they’re only going to root you on. Make that covenant with God and with each other and just let go. God is going to see you through the difficult times. Whenever you’re feeling discouraged just pray together. Like I said it’s not going to be a perfect journey, but you just have to keep God the center of your relationship.”