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Wife Complains to ‘Essence’ Magazine About Her Husband Using Racial Slurs During S*x

by Yvette Carnell

A woman who identifies herself only as “Black and Proud”, something she’s obviously not, wrote  Essence magazine to complain about black woman's bodyher nice, rich white husband using racial slurs during s*x:

My man keeps calling me a “n!gger b***h” during s*x and I hate it.

She hits us with that nugget first, then continues:

The first time he let the n-word drop was during s*x on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my p*bic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “n!gger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to d***h and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.

And to finish things off, she throws shade at all black men:

Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate.

This is the sort of nonsense that clogs my newsfeed.

Anyway, Abiola Abrams answers “Black and Proud”, who Abrams refers to as “queen”, with the sort of self-empowerment speech you’d expect. Truth is, however, “Black and Proud” could use a bit more straight talk and a lot less sympathy.

If this story is true (doubtful), then the woman writing into Essence asking for advice, whom I will refer to only as “Stupid”, deserves exactly what she is getting. If you read carefully, you’ll see that Stupid’s biggest concern is “not working” and “maintaining her new lifestyle”. Hence, she needs to get over it and become “n!gger b***h” in bed. She knew he had this fantasy. It did not just crop up like a bad bugga-boo on their honeymoon night. No way.

She needs to stop pretending she is turned off, and if she is it was way before this and now all she is worried about is money. She won’t get much of her banker husband’s investments after only 1 year of marriage. Better stick it out. Drop some babies. Wear earplugs. c*t the ‘good hair’. Start wearing do-rags and ‘blacker-face’ to bed… you know, make being n!gger b***h fun!

No matter what she does, she should stop wasting the time of Essence editors and women of color with her nonsense. We have real issues to worry about.

Yvette Carnell is a former Capitol Hill and campaign staffer turned writer. She is currently an editor and contributor to Yourblackworld. You can reach Yvette via Twitter @YvetteDC or on Facebook.




77 Responses to Wife Complains to ‘Essence’ Magazine About Her Husband Using Racial Slurs During S*x

  1. truthspks Reply

    April 16, 2013 at 8:55 am

    Why complain that’s exactly what you are a “n****r b***h” for even marrying this cracker.

    I’ll go one better “n****r w***e” try that on for size.

    No gives a f**k about your cracker husband calling you a n****r b***h during s*x cause that’s exactly what you are.

  2. bulldog J Reply

    April 14, 2013 at 10:47 pm


  3. dmac Reply

    April 13, 2013 at 10:50 am

    this is what happens when you mingle with the Devil. every since they came from the Caucus mountain of europe, they been f****n s**t up..white people instituted racism after the re-constructive era, we should of listen to marcus garvey. and seperated ourselves them them barbarrick devils.

  4. Olivette Reply

    April 11, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    This if for the women who claim to date and marry white men. oh please that is what they want you to think. It is part of their plan to exterminate us as a people. I don’t care how nice they are I am going to go with my experience. I am going to judge them by Their actions and I mean as a race of people why don’t they together do something about racism. Why don’t they change racism. The accountant who does the payroll and see that blacks get paid less for the same work and have the same qualification as white they can change that. The nurse, the doctor, the pharmacist, the teacher, the hiring officer in those various work establishment they can affect change; the realestate person, the EMT AND EMS worker, the police officers who see abuse not only of blacks but abuse period. The entertainment industry the stealing of talent and of our people. the communication industry. The Senator, the lawyer’s who see the abuse of the law and omission of information which lands blacks in jail. The prosecutors, the court officers, the correction officers. The people who are responsible for the curriculum in the schools, they can put true african history in those books, the bible scholars can tell the truth about the bible and religions and their origins. yes the white race can change racism if they wanted to. The white race is ignorant because they have been fed lies about themselves and others. yes some people will still have hate but an inform people both black and white about each other the truth and nothing but the truth no matter how ugly. know the truth and the truth will make you free. White people can change racism overnight if they wanted to as a people. why because they have if nothing else the ability to come together for a cause if they wanted to. We have never call them and put them to the test. We don’t need them to march with us. We want them as a people to demand change of the policies that their forefathers enacted which created the environment that exist today. We don’t need apologies from them. They have to put their words into action. Nothing less than that. We don’t want to hear that they march with Dr. King, or they were and are for civil rights. We want them to eliminate the need for civil rights laws by just eliminate those policies and practices that create the need for civil rights laws. How about putting vocational education back into the schools; in predominantly black areas, and stop letting the construction/building industry control what our children learn. putting Home Economics back into the schools. These are some of the things that whites can change, since they are the one’s making those decisions. Oh let us not forget the foster care agency, the drugging of our children with heavy narcotic drugs.
    those policies are made by people who are not of our race. the white race can effect change there. Stop dancing with them and put them to the real test and let all see them and who they truly are .are they different from their forefathers. If you forefather did wrong then you as their offspring have the right and obligation to correct and rectify that wrong. No they cannot do anything about the rapping of our women and men, but the laws and policies and practices that created racism, that The White Race can change.

  5. Olivette Reply

    April 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Yes there are zombies in the church.
    question What two places you find a cross being used.
    the cemetery and the church.
    one have physically d**d bodies and the other have mentally d**d bodies.
    Where do zombies come from the cemetery.

  6. Olivette Reply

    April 11, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    massa is assessing his merchandise whether you are really black and proud,as you probably tell him everytime he showers you with those loving words so he thinks. He is assessing what is freedom to you, what is your worth, since we the black race have come through a h**l of an experience at the hand of his great, great, great,great-granddaddy. You know after the force labor of our ancestors which put us at such a disadvantage financially with white men and white women you have the audacity to criticize our men and compare them to your rich n****r b***h loving white man as he refer to you and what he called himself. My sister you are clearly ignorant of self and kind, and you are also ignorant of your so called n****r loving b***h husband or should I say master whose freedom he bought as the information given to us by you. Please tell me that you are not planning to have children with this man,if so what about them, how is he going to refer to them, what if some of them comes out more to the white side and some are more black in physical appearance, how is this racist man going to treat his children, you don’t have to wonder we have the evidence right among us, the light skinned against the dark skinned, the so called good hair vs the nappy hair. Girl you seems to care about the money, so be a good house n****r wench and enjoy the money as well as the degrading of not only you but the degrading of all those of your ancestors who had to put up with this kind of behaviour from this kind of low life of a humanoid being.
    Answer me this question, were and are you a slave? who did he bought you from? How much did he pay for your freedom? These are question we need to know so we can filed a lawsuit against those who are still practicing slavery. woman My sister wake the you know what up, and stop being so stupid and ignorant. Ignorant is simply ignoring the facts, which you are. honestly I don’t think that a black woman who pride herself would stand for that. I take this with a grain of salt.

  7. sheila forest scott Reply

    April 11, 2013 at 11:05 am

    stupid is what stupid does.
    why complain you got what you asked for ,i would have put him in check from day one.

  8. Aziz Muhammad Reply

    April 11, 2013 at 10:09 am



  9. Greg Reply

    April 10, 2013 at 3:21 am

    When you lay with animals, sometimes you get a lot more than you bargained for. This woman is an idiot, and there’s so many like her out there. But I guess it’s O.K. for a white man to degrade his black wife if he’s paying the bills and gives her security. She got what she wanted ,now she has to live with it. You two belong together because you obviously both secretly hate black people. Enjoy your life you ignorant b!@#$h!!!!!

  10. blackd Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    These backwards a*s, self-hating black women can have all the white men they want. Who needs them lol.

  11. Ruby from NJ Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    If any of this story is true, the wife would have seen signs that her husband-to-be was a racist before they said “I do.” We see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. He is “loyal” and “considerate”? On what planet? Perhaps, she just wants to flaunt the fact that she has “good hair,” an indication of self-hatred. You hair is “good” if it is manageable and not dry, you can get the ‘do you want or it’s short enough to give you a sexy look with a good c*t. It’s what’s inside the head that matters more than the hair on the outside.

  12. LOIS Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    you got exactly what you deserve,and personally i dont believe this just started happening.you knew exactly who this man was when you was trying to get his money.well looky looky,this is how you pay !!!

  13. Big Rod Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    She got married for the money and not for true love, so she is getting exactly what she asked for. If this story is true, I feel sorry for her that she gave up on trying to find real true love no matter what race the man could have been.

  14. Peter D. Slaughter Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Think of it like this ?
    All the people who call us names really want to be us.

  15. hiroader2 Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Laugh out loud.., This writer has jokes “Wear earplugs” Do mammy role play huh?.. Git paid girl.. As much as I hate married people who make their relationships pubic., I’d wonder if this story is fact or fiction also…

  16. milwood Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    would she feel better if the words came from a Black man.. Black people can’t claim “n****r” any more. Everybody is using it and it doesn’t refer to Black people like it used to. let them have it, we had it long enough..

  17. Lili Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    You’d have to be fairly gullible to believe this story to be true.

    • Barbara Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 3:20 pm


      I totally believe her. About 15 years ago, I worked in an all white environment with this one White female who was married to a Black man. You WOULDN’T BELIEVE the racist things this woman said about her Black husband to these other White people. If I stated her comments here, it would be deleted!!

      She would have the audacity to look to me to confirm her racists sick views when we were sitting together at lunch talking; I being the only Black person present.

      Whites are “sick” in that way.

    • Regina Reply

      April 10, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      This type of incident has happened before. Remember Dr. Laura?

  18. oooooo yes Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 10:32 am


    • NOLEN NUNLEY Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      THANK YOU THANK YOU why do some of us try to be with them when they really don’t want you.

  19. Harold Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Have fun, lady. You got what you picked.

  20. Bagchi Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I don’t think this story was written by a black person. I think it was written by a white person to get a reaction out of people.

  21. Bagchi Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 8:22 am

    I don’t think this story was written by a black person. I think it was written by a white person to get a reaction out of people.

  22. Herman Hawkins Jr. Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 8:21 am

    Did this woman get coerced or duped into this marriage? She is a trophy for a white man ala Sally Hemmings to Thomas Jefferson. His use of the N– word only reinforces that.

  23. Miss T Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 7:57 am

    Essence is white owned, probably some white exec living out is fantasy with this fake letter. This is Sara Baartman all over again!

    • Miss T Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 7:58 am

      *his sick fantasy

  24. Tony Frederick Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  25. Tony Frederick Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  26. Tony Frederick Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  27. steve conwell Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 1:31 am

    LOL. I have read most of the comments and you all make me sick. I hear black women calling themselves, their friends and others B**** all the time!!!!!! Infact I see it printed on jeans and t-shirts. Heaven forbid you watch Basketball Wives or some of the other fake reality TV show. What gansta’ rapa’ does call “all” females B***** and hoes. Who hasn’t danced to the song “Freak like me”. Isn’t Lil’ Kim the “Queen B****? I see women disrespecting themselves even worse on Facebook everyday. She ain’t no golddigger. She just don’t want no broke n****. Clearly she is in the wrong relationship but she is getting paid….Don’t be a hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. PoetDannyQueen Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 1:23 am

    The N-word poem
    (Don’t call me n****r)

    Speak -truth to power
    And watch them castrate
    Any and every so-called
    n****r,they love to hate

    For it is not and can
    Not be a term of love
    No matter whose mouth
    It might come out of.

    The word n****r is
    And always will be
    A weapon in the arsenal
    Of Racism-White-Supremacy.

    Generations come and go
    Thru many ages in time
    But Nigeria aterm that
    Can never be redefined.

    So I’d like to be the
    One to pull the trigger
    On the over-due d***h
    Of the N-word,n****r.

    Copyright 2006
    All rights reserved

  29. Truth Speaks Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 1:07 am

    Writing to Essence ain’t gonna help this fool!!!
    My question is why she didn’t lay down the rules BEFORE they tied the knot? Stupid is as stupid does!
    I find it interesting though the black women above justifying their jungle love by throwing black men under the bus: NEWSFLASH: YOU CHOOSE SORRY BLACK MEN. Smh at the self hatred IMBEDDED in your comments. LOSERS.

  30. Haile Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:43 am

    People should have who they want but when I think of how these nasty stinking old European men used to rape enslaved helpless African women whom they thought were less than them that I cannot forget.Imagine having someone whom you abuse, you put to cook for you and your fasmily.Imagine raping a woman whom you think is less than a human being but you leave your wife to rape her.Thomas Jefferson had six children with his wife sister Sally Hemmings. He took her since she was 14. Jefferson Davis head of the confederacy had his wife sister as his mistress.These were African enslaved helpless women.Check that out and that is only some of the things that happened.Violating a poor womans body like that is worse than murder or burglary. Think about it.

  31. corbin56 Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:42 am

    I have been with my husband almost 39 years. He is White. What goes on in one’s bedroom is strictly private. I think this woman just wants everyone to know that she is married to a White man. It is no big deal. You cannot help who you fall in love with. She sounds very young and quite stupid. I am extremely happy in my marraige and just the thought of writing to Essense or any other magazine with this type of nonsense is merely a cry for attention. My advice: GROW UP!!

  32. sonni Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:24 am

    I do not believe that this is a real post. I have dated nothing but white men since my divorce from my sorry black husband and my beautiful black women let me tell you that you have no idea how well you could be treated until you date a white man. The wonderful white man that I am engaged to marry is my match in every way. He is educated , career minded , family oriented , kind and giving just like me. Ladies do not belive that article it is a lie. White men who date and marry black women are some o the kindess considerate men out there.

    • J. Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 5:18 pm

      Please don’t no real brotha want a defile s**t like you or any so call sister that sleep with white trash

    • Terri Reply

      April 11, 2013 at 12:32 pm

      I have been married to my wonderful, black king for almost ten wonderful years. Please do not paint all black men with one sweeping brush – there are some strong, wonderful brothers out there who will treat you well. It is your choice to marry who you married, but don’t discredit my choice.

  33. Paul H. Reply

    April 9, 2013 at 12:01 am

    This kind of thing happens to black males as well, I know of several males who have been called “n**ers” by their white wives and s*x partners.

    In fact, one male said that his white wife and the children he had with her call him “n**er” all the time and he just brushes it off

    this is what happens when a people have been braintrashed into hating ourselves and each other and put whites on a pedestal

    the media has been promoting IR s*x/marriage for several years as a “better” alternative to loving each other and ourselves and unfortunately, too many of us have fallen for the bait, not asking why is the media doing this?

    time to wake up and open our eyes and see that our only allies are each other– and we need to learn how to treat each other with care and respect

    before it is too late!

  34. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

    • luvthyself Reply

      April 8, 2013 at 11:17 pm

      Give her love she needs to love herself first and than she want be letting no pos disrespecting her

  35. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  36. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  37. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  38. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  39. Carmel Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  40. Malima Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    This is nothing to me, I have seen worst than this when it comes to relationships like this one this sister is into. I used to leave in Europe, I have seen black women been p****d by their so call white husbands. If you go to places like Holland in the city Amsterdam work passed the red light district you will see some of our sisters in cages (show rooms) with a little bar on the side.
    For those of you who have never had the chance of leaving the shores of America you think this new.
    This is what happens when the world have found out that some of our sisters are materialistic, they give them the materials they yearn for in returned they can be used as their property to have their fantasies. This is happening every day some just keep it under the rocks. It is this materialism and “money in my mind” mentality that leads to so many of our sisters in the p**n industry and guess who owns all these studious that make these movies?
    Low self esteem, inferiority complex and materialism is some our sisters leads to this and this has been going on since the beginning of their relationship, it only now that she is tired of it she brings this out in the open looking for sympathy.
    You older black woman you really need to talk to these young women of today, their lack of self pride is unbelievable today. After all black women have been through; I for one cannot understand why our sisters continue to stoop so low. I tell you this sisters, you will never see a Jews woman go to bed with a n**i because they have a sense of history and they can remember very well what the n**i did to them. We are the only race of people how are so forgiven to a people that have h**t us the most.

  41. Mitch Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    Some will do anything for financial security. You apparently have low self esteem.

  42. Glenn Krasner Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    If the letter is true, it seems she simply married an out-and-out racist, and that’s it. I am white, and married to a proud, black woman, and I would never use that word with her or anybody else, or even joke with her in a racially insensitive way like he does. There is definitely something wrong with him, and definitely something wrong with her for marrying such a bigot.
    Glenn in the Bronx, NY

    • wiser Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 11:14 pm

      Really? You would not, do not, have not or not anymore? What about your family, friends and co-workers? Why are you married to a black female and your fascination with the black world? Has “your” black wife commented or confirmed that she is with you voluntarily as well as for reasons other than finances, false hope and involuntarily loss of freedom.

  43. Ms. Wanda Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    Wow, could this be the reason I no longer subscribe to essences? This BS Would never appear in O, Vogue or any other reparable magazine.

    • wiser Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 11:03 pm

      Very true

  44. Sandra Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 10:11 pm

    I cannot believe she wrote Essence about this. They are both stupid, why would you marry someone if you are going to make racist comments to them? And marry someone like that? It shows how much you think you are worth.

    • rosemary davis Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      My point exactly what black woman would complain to any black magazine about racist slurs her white husband throws at her.I would be too embarrased to let anyone know that he said these horrible things and then she goes on to praise him as well.It is Websites like this that love to get attention and get a racist dialouge going.The name behind the article let me know not to buy into it.

  45. P.O. Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    This sounds like the kind of prank letter the boys from Yale used to send to Ann Landers years ago.

  46. larry Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    Obviously, she has no self-esteem and deserves every word. Tramp!

  47. Pastori Balele Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    That woman is flawless- beautiful, right body, height, clean and right color of skin and hair. I don’t know why her husband calls her those names she is an angel. He needs counseling. I hope I am not harassing her calling her beautiful.

  48. Leu Gilbert Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    Waist of time. I don’t believe this story is true.

  49. Perplexed Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Nothing seems authentic about this letter. It was probably written by a Black man who may be sleeping white like so many are but don not want Black woman to chose that option.

  50. Helen Willis Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    This is a propaganda letter. It was written expressly to shame and fear black women from dating and marrying outside their race. Don’t believe it. I have dated wealthy white and Asain men and none None behaved this way. I am have been married to a wonderful white man for 20 years and never Never has he said anything out of turn to me. Ladies, the wealth you can marry will/can far exceed what you could ever earn. Do Not Be Fooled.

  51. Helen Willis Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    This is a propaganda letter. It was written expressly to shame and fear black women from dating and marrying outside their race. Don’t believe it. I have dated wealthy white and Asain men and none None behaved this way. I am have been married to a wonderful white man for 20 years and never Never has he said anything out of turn to me. Ladies, the wealth you can marry will/can far exceed what you could marry. Do Not Be Fooled.

    • wiser Reply

      April 9, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      Either one or both apply – you have been fooled or simply a fool!

  52. Patsy Brown Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    That is really stupid, she sold her soul to a wealthy white man. But i was wondering when he gets that 7 year itch. Will she be a loving wife? Just saying

  53. Tracey Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    *whole issue….

    Hate typing from my phone…

  54. Tracey Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    Why did the editors of Essence choose to print such a ridiculous letter. I’m sure there must be more relevant questions posed to the experts. I think this while issue can be pointed back to the “white” powers that be, who are at the helm of Essence. Why would any editor waste precious space on something that 1. Sounds made up and 2. Probably only affects .00000000001 of the black female population.

  55. Suga Reply

    April 8, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    That is way to much, she had to see this or heard this before marriage….he would of been let go before marriage…Never have been their , but I always thought that dealing with a white guy would be degrading,to a black woman self worth .. expecially in the bedroom or if they get mad at the woman….Those are the wrong words to use period.

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